It's 1.22am at night on a monday morning, 40 mins to the finals for the world cup (not that i'm into it actually) and I've a random urge to ramble on livejournal. There's this strange pleasure in penning typing down my thoughts in this space that people don't exactly frequent, it's pretty much been a soliloquy for a while now. Everyone's twittering, facebooking. Yes, twitter.. got reluctantly pulled in but it's been alright twittering so far. I suppose people are a lot more interested in instantaneous communication these days, a lot more interested in browsing photos (skanky ones too) and rambling less than meaningful stuff on them. I guess we've all developed a phobia of reflective writing and revealing inner thoughts for fear of people seeing it as a sign of weakness or insecurity. Maintaining a facade is truly tiring!

Okay while I'm coughing incessantly at this unearthly hour I'm really happy to announce that I've gotten my first ever notebook, the macbook pro! As with any mac maniac I'm totally fawning over it but i'll get over it haha. It's about the most beautiful notebook I've ever seen. LJ-ing is perhaps a good excuse to satisfy the itch of my fingers to caress the beautiful back-lit keyboard. :) Dear macbook pro, may we have many more good years together as you faithfully serve me in my studies in NTU. I will take care of you! :D

On another note, FOC's just around the corner :] I'm not psyched. yet. Though it's been a while since I've had an orientation experience. I really do hope it'll be fun and awesome and you know meet new people and stuffs. Haven't packed. damn. Will look to it soon enough.

This week looks set to be a packed one. Gym, tuition, class, I think I'm heading out too much. Need to hermit-ize myself, if there's such a verb. Save money as well or i'll be broker than a uhm.. broke broker.

Ever felt like you had a lot to let out to some people but never said it to their face? I've a few things to say to a few people though they won't even read it... :)

To you: It was nice seeing you again and I'm so glad that you're doing well pursuing such a prestigious course of study overseas. :) and, sorry things didn't quite work out for you with that person. You'll have someone else appreciate you for who you are in no time as you already know you big headed dodo you. All your admirers eh. Do hope we continue to keep in touch!

And to another you: I still remember you like it was yesterday. I pray that you'll be forgotten. One day.

And to yet another you: How's things? You vanished as quick as you arrived. I guarded myself as much as I could inside, but know this that you were a huge mistake and I hope you'll get what you deserve eventually.

And to the fourth you: Bro, have you forgotten about me? D: We haven't talked in ages and I know you're still in there but I fondly remember the time of sharing we had back in the day. You were like family to me. :) I remember quiet nights in the far end of Singapore, drink in hand after a satisfying run and nothing else but good company. I miss you.

And to yet another you: Douche. What are you up to now, have you died on me? You're are like totally uncommunicable with, which is shocking in this era. Get a facebook you kuku. I'll grab hold of you and jab you like you used to jab me on the train avenge the time you almost made me order pork chop in a halal food court.

To you: It's been quite a ride and I've found an unexpected friend in you. I do hope you appreciate what you have and treasure the people who treasure you as much. :) There are many things that i disagree with you, but I suppose that's why people gravitate to each other. Life would be so boring with a bunch of yes-men as friends, no? Here's to more years of friendship. :]

To another You: I feel so far from You right now. You've shown me much and I know You're right. You are so right. I pray You change me with time, for I cannot do it alone. I've veered off the small and narrow path to the wide road with empty prospects ahead. I'm scared and weak. Please help. I love You.

Ninight.

So the past few months have gone past in a flurry. The hiatus in this journal sure has been longer than expected. perhaps I've considered my life to be somewhat uninspired, or uninspiring for that matter. Army days are pretty much over. So it's back to being just another face in the bus, another face in the train, in the gym, and so on and so forth if you know what I mean. Time really feels like it's flying now and recollections of the past few weeks are akeen to a damaged film player playing random scenes of me at a desk giving tuition, sitting in class taking notes, spacing out on the bus or train, taking driving lessons or doing bench presses in the gym. Surely that can't be a good thing? oh wait, yours truly is already an uncle too with the arrival of nephew Andrew. cute one he is and his constant smiles are indicative of a much more happy childhood relative to mine. I'm just letting my thoughts flow right now and it seems so bleak! D:

A lotta stuff has happened recently that might've potentially set the days ahead for depression but I've come to realize that there's just no time to indulge in self-pity. No time and not worth the effort to be feeling down and out. Life goes on and I've had this realization that it is high time for change. I have to thank my 3 angels; cal, manda and kalai for being the ones who know me inside out and know just what to say to restore colour to my otherwise monochrome silent film days. Be it in battling days with life, with parents and with myself most importantly. Love you all, in case I haven't already said so :]

That aside, it's 10.42pm now and I've got my driving test first thing tomorrow morning. Bought myself a nice sandwich, starbucks coffee and green apple mentos from 7-11 across the road for tomorrow. Thoughts of how I could make it easier to pass was certainly a point I've been pondering. Like maybe using some soothing fragrance for the car to help relax the invigilator, having coffee for a caffeine trip and chewing sweets to stay awake have all been considered. It's just too bad I'm not a girl and just simply dress like a slut. Hahaha.

Okay. Ta. Wish me luck tomorrow.

There's a reason why they say that we should give it time
But time is not enough
And that's the reason why when you're young you fall in love

thought i was dead? for many of my dear scarce readers, you probably thought so. come to think of it, dead isn't even much of hyperbole in my case.

the past few months.. i chose to give up my freedom again. even allowed myself to be dragged across seas to a foreign land to train... although, i really have no idea why i put myself through it.. for reasons i have yet to understand. perhaps to make me a stronger person. i've come to realise the less one thinks about time passing... the quicker it goes by, really it does.

time is a funny thing. things that we hold so precious, our home, our family, our lives and our friends... they but return to dust with the passing of time.. sometimes we cant help it but to ponder what can we possibly leave behind for future generations to see. i picture my world in post-apocalyptic scenarios sometimes... a dilapidated and broken down housing development board flat. images of empty, hollow rooms, a broken piano. a dusty photograph or me, mom, dad, and my 2 sisters. i'd shudder to think what would result in that.. but perhaps these images are symptomatic of the common human desire to be remembered and loved. but it IS stark reality. post-apocalyptic or not. i think it's telling me to treasure the little precious moments in life... to pull my eyes off the television or computer screen... or off my ipod and to look at mom and give her a smile.. to freeze the frame and imprint a photograph of me and family.. or me and friends for that matter in my heart.

i digressed.

in any case.. updates updates hm... well, i've just crossed another small milestone in passing out, with a bigger one lying ahead (no need to mention the 3 letter word), and its gonna happen preeeeetty soon. (much to the annoyance of many) :) someone said that finishing up your national service is like starting life all over again.. you got nothing but a distant memory of school life, a fistful of bad memories from the army you wish to throw into the wind and a vast expanse of opportunity lying ahead of you. i'll just have to hold my breath, pray for the best and take a big step out back into society. :] buuuuut... not just yet.. not for now.

nighty night.

headed out with winston and levin today for movie, dinner and ice-cream. international was...eh not really good. D:< anti-climatic ending, the least of my favourite kind of endings. action wise, ain't half bad, awesome museum fight scene. the only part that minutely redeems the value of the movie ticket. haha.

so-so movie aside, had crystal jade and ben and jerry's. funny thing how i used to be so concerned about being overweight. cause now i'm just worried i'm too skinny. yeah go ahead and roll your eyes. :] wolfed down strawberry cheesecake, chocolate mint chunk and fish food in a waffle dish. gastronomically fulfilling indeed. did a bit of shopping at river island. and okay, i suppose i'm kinda broke now. oops.

so in the past few weeks i've been utterly disconnected from the world. :\ harrowing indeed, true to the name of the exercise, wandering around in the forest into the wee hours of the night :( and sleeping in the forest with all the insect friends. otherwise... -cue fanfare music- malvin survived 2 weeks of outfield.. WHOO. achievement. haha.

hope these last 3 weeks of course will be a breeze... :]

week's been pretty much tiring. its back to baking under the sun again; brows and body drenched in sweat, heeding orders and marching from point to point. as bleak as it seems in words i've adjusted pretty well i suppose. new section mates and platoon mates seem pretty alright, i think everything's gonna be just fine.

headed out to catch fanboys with luci today. was about a bunch of grown-up geeks who never outgrew their obsession with starwars and embarked on an escapade to break into george lucas's place to catch an unreleased latest starwars film. was pretty funny, didn't exactly have much of a plot or theme but it's just a movie to catch for fun. :]

dimsum thereafter, though i was quite bloated, i think my appetite's diminishing of late, my cheekbones are showing up so much more than last time :\ then again i guess i was pretty tubby last time hahaha.

just feeling plain tired now, will turn in. another day awaits.

okay okay. i've been to terribly lazy to make an update. last post being on the 8th and now being the 28th. well not much to say cept i'm inching closer to the end of my teen years. never knew i'd ever hit the point where a quarter (or more) of my life's gone. life's been good. there were moments of euphoria, and times when i felt like i couldn't get any deeper down in the dumps.

Problems in the past that seemed so insurmountable are practically nothing now. guess i'll just have to adopt a similar attitude to life's current difficulties. life goes on. :]

Apart from aging (blah) i'm gonna have to treasure my last month of freedom before its back to all the regimentation. i hope i'll adjust well back to the hard life.

On another note a little kitten was tortured and dismembered in the neighbourhood. again. it makes my blood boil that such psychopaths exist and go on with their rampages fuelled by their power trips. like seriously, pick on someone your own size, not an innocent little creature.

good news, i'll be staying where i am and not going to medic school. :] -does a chun li yay-

that means... i'll be down for recourse.. but oh wells. it's just the inevitable, inescapable jab back to the wonderful outdoors.

:] and for some reason, im quite happy with things now.

so, it appears i'm being posted to become a combat medic. a little mixed feelings bout that. it's great that i'm gonna be learning skills that i can actually apply in real life, and who know, i might actually save someone some day.

on the other hand, images of a less than cautious and skill-impaired buddy jabbing away at my arm carelessly, and oozing blood seem to be putting me off.

i chuckled uncomfortably as i poured myself some cranberry juice that mom so happened to be stocking up this week.

okay, here's a little message to all you asian parents out there. there's only so much brute discipline can do to your child. you can do everything you can to stop your child from doing wrong, by taking away privileges, or taking away the source of the problem and dish out whatever creative punishments you have in your arsenal, but always remember your kids will outlive you and you certainly cannot reach a hand out of your grave to interfere with your childrens' lives. just a crude example/quote from my fave sitcom: "Bree, you can take away the boy's penis but he's still gonna try to have sex!" yep, that pretty much drives the point home. Educating and inculcating values into your kids in society today certainly requires more than screaming your head off at them or brandishing a cane. They're not stupid, and they see through your little overtures. It just plain annoys them. Rather, adopt a more parent-child involving method by opening up discussion to the topic. Try to understand where your child is coming from and reproach gently and kindly to help you child understand. But of course, a discussion isn't really a discussion if its just the parent talking. Hm, maybe parents will understand this in time? Oh wait, asian parents -don't- listen. What a revelation.

It just irks me how often my parents fall into self-parody. telling your kid off for watching american sitcoms because it 'corrupts and contaminates' yes, -gasp- all you fellow teens out there, but wait, i'm no longer a teen! Oh the horror. Well pardon me for not taking it well that my morality, self-identity and capability of possessing a mind of my own was being insulted. If the whole hoo-hah over how harry potter promotes witchcraft doesn't irk the young generation of today, this really does take the cake. I mean in all honesty, if your kid didn't brandish a chopstick and you at the dinner table bellowing "winguardium leviosa", i don't see why harry potter would be hardly an influence in their lives.

I guess asian or singaporean parents bring up their children by stressing their kids over their academics till they break, sign them up for tuition, piano lessons, violin lessons, ballet lessons, abacus lessons, or what have they, and bring them out over the weekends to watch Jack Neo films that espouse values such as studying hard for exams and filial piety because its the right thing to do. I don't know whats next. advise your kid to start stamp collecting? What is life if you're gonna be so uptight about everything that you don't actually have to be uptight about? Come on people.

Alright, just reached my aunt's place in KL. the 4 hour plus journey was surprisingly (or not) more than bearable thanks to desperate housewives on my psp, as well as of course, my beloved poddie. Oh wells. I'll try to have fun despite the seclusion from all my friends back home. Next few days will probably consist of idling around the house and trawling through the malls window shopping. Sounds like exactly the same thing people do in singapore. Except plus the lack of sense of security from being mugged in broad daylight. Okay i bitch. I'm tired.blah. Will do another post later. Don't know what to do now.