There's a reason why they say that we should give it time
But time is not enough
And that's the reason why when you're young you fall in love

thought i was dead? for many of my dear scarce readers, you probably thought so. come to think of it, dead isn't even much of hyperbole in my case.

the past few months.. i chose to give up my freedom again. even allowed myself to be dragged across seas to a foreign land to train... although, i really have no idea why i put myself through it.. for reasons i have yet to understand. perhaps to make me a stronger person. i've come to realise the less one thinks about time passing... the quicker it goes by, really it does.

time is a funny thing. things that we hold so precious, our home, our family, our lives and our friends... they but return to dust with the passing of time.. sometimes we cant help it but to ponder what can we possibly leave behind for future generations to see. i picture my world in post-apocalyptic scenarios sometimes... a dilapidated and broken down housing development board flat. images of empty, hollow rooms, a broken piano. a dusty photograph or me, mom, dad, and my 2 sisters. i'd shudder to think what would result in that.. but perhaps these images are symptomatic of the common human desire to be remembered and loved. but it IS stark reality. post-apocalyptic or not. i think it's telling me to treasure the little precious moments in life... to pull my eyes off the television or computer screen... or off my ipod and to look at mom and give her a smile.. to freeze the frame and imprint a photograph of me and family.. or me and friends for that matter in my heart.

i digressed.

in any case.. updates updates hm... well, i've just crossed another small milestone in passing out, with a bigger one lying ahead (no need to mention the 3 letter word), and its gonna happen preeeeetty soon. (much to the annoyance of many) :) someone said that finishing up your national service is like starting life all over again.. you got nothing but a distant memory of school life, a fistful of bad memories from the army you wish to throw into the wind and a vast expanse of opportunity lying ahead of you. i'll just have to hold my breath, pray for the best and take a big step out back into society. :] buuuuut... not just yet.. not for now.

nighty night.

headed out with winston and levin today for movie, dinner and ice-cream. international was...eh not really good. D:< anti-climatic ending, the least of my favourite kind of endings. action wise, ain't half bad, awesome museum fight scene. the only part that minutely redeems the value of the movie ticket. haha.

so-so movie aside, had crystal jade and ben and jerry's. funny thing how i used to be so concerned about being overweight. cause now i'm just worried i'm too skinny. yeah go ahead and roll your eyes. :] wolfed down strawberry cheesecake, chocolate mint chunk and fish food in a waffle dish. gastronomically fulfilling indeed. did a bit of shopping at river island. and okay, i suppose i'm kinda broke now. oops.

so in the past few weeks i've been utterly disconnected from the world. :\ harrowing indeed, true to the name of the exercise, wandering around in the forest into the wee hours of the night :( and sleeping in the forest with all the insect friends. otherwise... -cue fanfare music- malvin survived 2 weeks of outfield.. WHOO. achievement. haha.

hope these last 3 weeks of course will be a breeze... :]

week's been pretty much tiring. its back to baking under the sun again; brows and body drenched in sweat, heeding orders and marching from point to point. as bleak as it seems in words i've adjusted pretty well i suppose. new section mates and platoon mates seem pretty alright, i think everything's gonna be just fine.

headed out to catch fanboys with luci today. was about a bunch of grown-up geeks who never outgrew their obsession with starwars and embarked on an escapade to break into george lucas's place to catch an unreleased latest starwars film. was pretty funny, didn't exactly have much of a plot or theme but it's just a movie to catch for fun. :]

dimsum thereafter, though i was quite bloated, i think my appetite's diminishing of late, my cheekbones are showing up so much more than last time :\ then again i guess i was pretty tubby last time hahaha.

just feeling plain tired now, will turn in. another day awaits.

okay okay. i've been to terribly lazy to make an update. last post being on the 8th and now being the 28th. well not much to say cept i'm inching closer to the end of my teen years. never knew i'd ever hit the point where a quarter (or more) of my life's gone. life's been good. there were moments of euphoria, and times when i felt like i couldn't get any deeper down in the dumps.

Problems in the past that seemed so insurmountable are practically nothing now. guess i'll just have to adopt a similar attitude to life's current difficulties. life goes on. :]

Apart from aging (blah) i'm gonna have to treasure my last month of freedom before its back to all the regimentation. i hope i'll adjust well back to the hard life.

On another note a little kitten was tortured and dismembered in the neighbourhood. again. it makes my blood boil that such psychopaths exist and go on with their rampages fuelled by their power trips. like seriously, pick on someone your own size, not an innocent little creature.

good news, i'll be staying where i am and not going to medic school. :] -does a chun li yay-

that means... i'll be down for recourse.. but oh wells. it's just the inevitable, inescapable jab back to the wonderful outdoors.

:] and for some reason, im quite happy with things now.

so, it appears i'm being posted to become a combat medic. a little mixed feelings bout that. it's great that i'm gonna be learning skills that i can actually apply in real life, and who know, i might actually save someone some day.

on the other hand, images of a less than cautious and skill-impaired buddy jabbing away at my arm carelessly, and oozing blood seem to be putting me off.

i chuckled uncomfortably as i poured myself some cranberry juice that mom so happened to be stocking up this week.

okay, here's a little message to all you asian parents out there. there's only so much brute discipline can do to your child. you can do everything you can to stop your child from doing wrong, by taking away privileges, or taking away the source of the problem and dish out whatever creative punishments you have in your arsenal, but always remember your kids will outlive you and you certainly cannot reach a hand out of your grave to interfere with your childrens' lives. just a crude example/quote from my fave sitcom: "Bree, you can take away the boy's penis but he's still gonna try to have sex!" yep, that pretty much drives the point home. Educating and inculcating values into your kids in society today certainly requires more than screaming your head off at them or brandishing a cane. They're not stupid, and they see through your little overtures. It just plain annoys them. Rather, adopt a more parent-child involving method by opening up discussion to the topic. Try to understand where your child is coming from and reproach gently and kindly to help you child understand. But of course, a discussion isn't really a discussion if its just the parent talking. Hm, maybe parents will understand this in time? Oh wait, asian parents -don't- listen. What a revelation.

It just irks me how often my parents fall into self-parody. telling your kid off for watching american sitcoms because it 'corrupts and contaminates' yes, -gasp- all you fellow teens out there, but wait, i'm no longer a teen! Oh the horror. Well pardon me for not taking it well that my morality, self-identity and capability of possessing a mind of my own was being insulted. If the whole hoo-hah over how harry potter promotes witchcraft doesn't irk the young generation of today, this really does take the cake. I mean in all honesty, if your kid didn't brandish a chopstick and you at the dinner table bellowing "winguardium leviosa", i don't see why harry potter would be hardly an influence in their lives.

I guess asian or singaporean parents bring up their children by stressing their kids over their academics till they break, sign them up for tuition, piano lessons, violin lessons, ballet lessons, abacus lessons, or what have they, and bring them out over the weekends to watch Jack Neo films that espouse values such as studying hard for exams and filial piety because its the right thing to do. I don't know whats next. advise your kid to start stamp collecting? What is life if you're gonna be so uptight about everything that you don't actually have to be uptight about? Come on people.

Alright, just reached my aunt's place in KL. the 4 hour plus journey was surprisingly (or not) more than bearable thanks to desperate housewives on my psp, as well as of course, my beloved poddie. Oh wells. I'll try to have fun despite the seclusion from all my friends back home. Next few days will probably consist of idling around the house and trawling through the malls window shopping. Sounds like exactly the same thing people do in singapore. Except plus the lack of sense of security from being mugged in broad daylight. Okay i bitch. I'm tired.blah. Will do another post later. Don't know what to do now.

i totally just read the most tragic book ever. like.. melodramatically, extremely, indescribably, zenith-ly tragically depressing. i wasn't too touched though, simply cause the plots seems too... mmm. deliberate and mildly ludicrous, although perhaps it was written with a message as its purpose. nevertheless it was a good read, i swallowed it in less than 2 days whole. :]

makes me feel inspired to write to. maybe i'll pen my life down in the future. :]

gosh. found my dog. what an episode. she's back at home now. the long and the short of it is that she decided to go on a self-declared frolic in the neighbourhood and randomly followed a maid into a lift in the neighbouring block whereupon she was kept there till her employer came home.

in anycase. Ruby is totally a neighbourhood celebrity now. due to the mad family who were spotted screaming in the neighbourhood "RUBY!!!!! RUUUUBY!!!!" as if they had just found precious stones in the soil of choa chu kang. and of course. the frantic door to door knocking and asking if people had seen our precious dog. and most of all, the countless "MISSING" posters that we had pasted generously all over the place that elevated her wanted status beyond that of Mas Selamat's, who simply got a meagre 1 poster per lift lobby treatment.

we enlisted the help of our neighbours and friends. really thankful that they helped. it was heartening to see people who genuinely seemed concerned and empathized with our situation and saw the love we had for her. then again there were those who couldn't bother opening their doors. -_-

i guess people underestimate the love pet-owners have for their pets. i honestly felt really torn apart when i got home today without the familiar goofy face and wagging tail poking through the door.

Ruby's my best friend. Unjudging, loving, forgiving and affectionate. Loyal, but reckless i suppose. She's still worthy of being called a saint i think. :) saved the missing poster for keepsakes. it's like the third episode of such an incident. dont want to have to go through it again.

Anyways she's just lying by my feet as usual at the computer minding her own licking and business. And licking my hands apologetically with the attitude of "aw... im sorry i caused such a ruckus but hey everything's fine and i came back as usual!" She had a good dinner at home cause she prolly didn't have the appetite at the man's place.

i love my dog.

mom lost the dog today. been all around the blocks in the neighbourhood searching frantically. printed posters and pasted them all over the neighbourhood. had a couple of hopeful tip offs, but nothing good enough. i'm worried and i don't know how i'm going to sleep in peace tonight.

i miss my dog Ruby.

feels very much like a new day;

cause today, i will rebel against my nature;

and revel in the face of disappointment.

:D

i'm not in love;
this is not my heart;
i'm not gonna waste these words;
about a girl.

crystal jade outing went great. :]



catching up with old friends and your primary school teacher, its kinda surreal, but at the same time its the most wonderful feeling. primary school teachers to tend to be ones that are most fondly remembered because they shape and prepare people for what they become in the future at a time where one is so fragile and malleable. and truly, one should never underestimate the impact of childhood experiences. but for Ms Chua, I can safely say that in more ways than one she did a wonderful job in inspiring us to do better academically in a genuinely holistic approach. its teachers like her who go the extra mile in providing alternatives to textbook lessons, and do things like bring their kids out for outings and give them presents, that keep learning alive in kids and make them realise that there's more to learning than simply listening to your teacher drone away at a math problem from a textbook.

wells, hope to meet up with this group of people again soon, not sure when, maybe sooner, maybe later. but i do treasure them, they're very much a part of my life, they remind me of who i was. :]

day was pretty fun, morn and early afternoon spent bumming at home and did a short run in the neighbourhood, while late afternoon to night at landy's place for his party. food was carbs galore but it was fun. i make imbah mashed potatoes and the focacia (sp?) sub was nice. ended off with dark knight. awesome movie. heath ledger did a mighty fine job playing the joker. its so good it freaked me out at certain parts. he really is the most deserving nominee for the oscars.

tomorrow today, driving and meet-up with old friends. hope i dont stall my car too many times again. whoo.

two words - oh well.

i seem to be saying it a lot nowadays. bah.

only thing im looking forward to this week...

13th Dec Meet-up with all my primary school mates. :] and Ms Chua. It's just awesome meeting up with old friends.

Im happy to say that i do have friends for life. :D

okay. those spam comments are really starting to annoy me. can like livejournal do something about this. that aside, photos are finally up from the lido trip to watch wild child. yeah, wild child the totally bimbotic show. but it wasn't as air-headed as camp rock so i didn't mind that much, haha. and its like british culture (kinda) which you dont get very much in the cinemas so it was quite interesting. and spanks tessa for your oh so pro camera which you couldn't figure how to set the self-timer for :P



hahaha the look of the century on diane's face.



my brain was zapped by and alien and a detached arm shoved itself up tessa's nose



i passed my final theory exam today, whew. well, i had better pass or i'd just go crazy after going through all 11 torturous repetitive question booklets 2 weeks back. and i kinda wasted my time in the morning cause i forgot to bring my specs so i couldn't get my PDL. i was just like "ah screw this" and i went home first before returning to apply again after my FTT. wanted to roll my eyes at the lady who went 'first time applying?' again since the morning with her poker face through the glass but i thought better.

i wanted to go running this afternoon... but after reading newpapers on my comfy bed i just collapsed into sleep. oh wells. my waist fat must be looking at me triumphantly now. wait till tomorrow. :)

alright, i've got the time to do a proper post, you got to pardon my bitching. i have my moments. heh. well what's happened since the last post.. well basically the long awaited zoo trip that i was anticipating so much. :] it was fun, a day out with sam and jolene and all the animals :D animals just seem to have a very oddly soothing and relaxing effect on my nerves and being. go figure.

shots are pretty much on facebook. annoying thing is i have some photos myself in my cam's SD card. only thing is that its the fatass one thats slightly bigger than the kinds you use for the psp. so yeah. i'll have to wait for an opportunity to use my dad's laptop's inbuilt card reader. in any case, i'll just post a couple here..











mmm. it was fun, and no, we didn't go out of morbid curiousity for the white tiger enclosure incident. though we did crack a couple of jokes at the gift shop in bad humour. ha.

i spent the first half of my afternoon at bbdc... okay, i'm totally not proud of myself exhibiting such typical Singaporean Kiasuism, but i booked 3 practice sessions and a second evaluation test (i failed one yesterday). and i completed all the 11 practice booklets to the point i knew which were the answers for all of the questions. but for a good reason though cause today was the last day i had to pass my evaluation test. cause my final theory test is exactly 2 weeks from now and its the deadline. why such a measure/rules? go figure. in any case, my first practical is on 7th Dec. im very excited! :]

took a long nap in the evening, was out late the previous night at McDs. mmm.. church tomorrow. not sure what happens after that though.

alright, it's a full afternoon at bbdc today. it better be worth it... or i'll just kill myself for wasting so much of my own time.




Drink to all we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But love remains the same

family can really drive one up the wall. especially a domineering sibling who acts like a queen bitch with a smart mouth frothing with sarcasm and snide comments, and expects everyone to get out of her way and tolerate her mess, not to mention a short temper fuse, just because its exam period. well, i say sod off. -_- i despise those who fail to handle themselves but attempt to handle others.

my fears of failure were unfounded... i got through to the interviews for the scholarship! :D thank You so much.. :] just another inch closer to the goal. interviews so far in my life have been -quite- a cinch, but i think they're looking for some real volume in replies this time, aha. so wish me luck, i'll be attempting to prepare for it this week.

In other news... lol. 450+ days till i ORD. :'( haha! its random i know but people just ORDed in my face today. yay for them but boo for me. :( well my time will come!